November 24, 2001 v Logan Uniting @ Yeronga S.H.S. (week one)
BUNYIPS STILL A CHANCE AFTER "PATCHY" FIELDING DISPLAY AT YERONGA
The Bunyips were left searching for adjectives after a disappointing day in the field against the Logan Uniting Komodo Dragons which saw a record 17 dropped catches. One Bunyip, Rob Pattearson, is still searching after being told they were in Aisle 4 of Mitre 10 somewhere between the left-handed screwdrivers and the black and white striped paint. There were many suggestions. Dismal, pathetic and pitiful were all deemed unsuitable by team psychologists who preferred "gravimetrically challenged", "terrestrially enhanced" and "success non-oriented". Ultimately, team etymologists decided on patchy - as while there were many simple chances dropped, there were a number of sharp chances taken, including catches by Jay 'I dropped nothin baby' Kronenberg, Sean Lowther, Neil Johnson and Tony Treloar.
While very few
kind words could be said about the Bunyip fielding, only praise could be
levelled upon the Bunyip bowlers. Sean Lowther (3-46) and Graham Rawlings
(3-37) bowled well and took deserved wickets. Daniel Viles bowled his best
spell of the season to finish with a luckless 1-36. But the best performance of
all was that of the Bunyips' angry young man, Michael 'Charlie' Warrington who
bowled 19 overs in the searing Yeronga heat to take an equally luckless 2-57.
After the
game, 'Charlie' was asked what kept him going throughout his long spell at the
bowling crease. He shook his head and said Batsmen, I hate batsmen. And the
only thing I hate more than their batsmen is our batsmen. They think they can
stand there in slips, looking all dainty in their crisp clean whites, drinking
chardonnay bottled from the sweat of the proletarian bowlers. Ill tell you
what kept me going it was my hatred of batsmen well, that and the bottle of
little red pills given to me by team pharmacologists. Team psychologists recognised
this obvious cry for help from a deeply disturbed young man and immediately
stood him down from Day 2 of the match, suggesting some nice fresh sea breezes
may be necessary.
Meanwhile,
after complaints about the saltiness of the team chardonnay, team vintners are
looking for alternative sources of liquid for their wine. Somebody suggested
water, but nothing like that had been seen since J.H. Christ opened the batting
for Nazareth in the summer of '74/75.
The batting
performance of the Komodo Dragons was consistent with all but one player
reaching double figures in their score of 228. Peter Rose topped the scoring
with a hard-hitting 47, but a special mention goes to Nathan 'Superbat' Wheeley
for scoring 22 more runs than anyone thought he would. In reply, Todd Myers and
Jay Kronenberg steered the Bunyips to 0-22 at stumps, setting up an entralling
second day.
In the
post-match interview, Jim Morton was typically deferential. When asked about
the likelihood of a Bunyip victory, Sportin' Morton replied, Its going to be
tough. But if the luck goes our way and we score more than 228 you would have
to say we are a chance. But if we get bowled out for less than 228 then wed
have to be struggling to get over the line.
-
Tony
Treloar
The following is an alternative
version of the second paragraph for publication in the St Bartholomew's
Anglican Church newsletter the "Focus". It was written after the
author adjudged the above to contain more than the 0.05% limit of in-house
jokes.
At the end of play, bitter in-fighting broke out amongst the usually harmonious Bunyips. As accusations flew about the inability of certain Bunyip players to catch colds or buses, captain Jim Morton stepped in to restore harmony saying, Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Jay Kronenberg (the only Bunyip not to drop a catch) didnt need to be asked twice, immediately throwing a small hunk of granite at his nearest teammate. The Bunyips' team disciplinary committee came down hard on Kronenberg by making him listen to a one hour lecture on the difference between figurative and literal by Tim Kelly.
-
Tony
Treloar
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